Mornings with an autistic child can feel like navigating a minefield. There are non-negotiable tasks to get through, emotions to manage, and, if you’re lucky, a moment to breathe somewhere in between. For many parents, mornings are a blur of chaos and survival mode, leaving you drained before the day even begins.

But what if mornings could feel less overwhelming and more intentional?

Here’s the truth: a morning routine with an autistic child isn’t about perfection. It’s about meeting your child’s needs while finding small ways to nurture yourself, too. It’s not easy, but with the right framework, it’s possible to create a routine that works for both of you.

Step 1: Start with the Non-Negotiables

Before you can build any kind of routine, you need to identify what absolutely has to happen each morning. Think of these as the non-negotiable tasks dictated by external factors or basic needs.

Example: In our house, we know we need to leave by 7:40 a.m., my daughter needs at least 10 minutes of quiet time after waking up to adjust along with extra time to eat breakfast. My son on the other hand needs a solid 15 minutes of proprioceptive activity. These are the anchors around which everything else is built.

Step 2: Address Emotional Needs

Morning routines aren’t just about logistics—they’re also about emotions. For autistic kids, mornings can be tough because of sensory sensitivities, anxiety, or transitions from sleep to wakefulness.

Example: Both of my children respond exceedingly well to visual routine cards which helps them move through morning tasks with less overwhelm and frustration. On difficult mornings, using an hourglass timer for a task actually gives them a sense of control and helps them prepare for what’s next. For me, taking a few diaphragmatic breaths (often) helps with my own overwhelm.

Step 3: Add the “Wants”

After addressing the must-haves, think about what you want mornings to look like. This is where you build in small moments of intention.

Example: I started adding music to our mornings, and it’s amazing how much calmer we all feel with the right playlist in the background.

Step 4: Create a Flexible Framework

Now it’s time to put it all together. Create a framework that starts with your non-negotiables, incorporates emotional needs, and sprinkles in a few wants.

Here’s an example framework:

• Wake-Up: Quiet time with sensory supports for my child which include: (your supports).
• Breakfast: Simple meal with minimal pressure because I prepare in advance: (what you’re preparing in advance).
• Getting Ready: Visual checklist for my child; I take a moment to breathe, sip coffee, or recite an affirmation.
• Out the Door: Plan in a 5-10 minute buffer for any last-minute hiccups.

Remember, this isn’t about sticking to a rigid plan. Flexibility is key.

Step 5: Adjust as Needed

No routine is perfect, and mornings can change depending on your child’s mood, external factors, or life circumstances. Give yourself grace to adjust and try again.

You might also consider involving your child in creating the routine. They may surprise you with insights about what works best for them.

Mini Coaching Moment: One Small Step

Mornings can be overwhelming, but change starts with one small step. This week, take a moment to reflect:

What’s one thing I can tweak to make mornings less stressful for my child?

What’s one thing I can do to make mornings feel more manageable for me?

Even the smallest changes can add up to big improvements over time.

Closing Thoughts

Building a morning routine that works for you and your child isn’t about creating a perfect system—it’s about finding a flow that meets your family’s needs and helps you start the day with a little more peace.

So take it one step at a time, and remember: you’re doing an amazing job.