It wasn’t that long ago when I realized I was saying “yes” far too often. Whether it was volunteering for another school event, agreeing to lend a hand to someone, or taking on extra responsibilities at work, I was always the go-to person who couldn’t say no.

But while I was saying yes to everything, I was also saying no—no to myself, no to my family, and no to the space I needed to breathe.

If you’ve ever felt the weight of everyone else’s needs pressing down on you, you’re not alone. For parents of autistic children, life already comes with a unique set of challenges, and adding more to your plate can leave you feeling like you’re barely holding it all together.

I want you to know it’s okay to feel this way. And it’s also okay to say no.

The People-Pleaser Mentality

For years, I believed that saying yes made me a good person—someone dependable, someone who could handle it all. But the truth is, every time I said yes to something that didn’t align with my priorities, I was taking away energy and focus from the things that truly mattered.

Saying yes became a reflex, but deep down, I often felt resentment, exhaustion, and frustration. It wasn’t just my schedule that was overloaded—my mind and heart were too.

What I didn’t realize was how much this was affecting my ability to be patient and present with my family, especially my children.

The Breakthrough Moment

One day, after committing to yet another thing I didn’t have time for, I hit my breaking point. I looked at my calendar and saw no room for downtime, no room for myself, and no room for flexibility if something unexpected came up.

I was overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and constantly on edge. I knew something had to change.

That’s when I decided to try something I hadn’t done before: I said no.

It wasn’t easy. The first time I turned down an invitation to help, I felt a pang of guilt. I worried what others might think, or if they’d feel let down. But when I said no, something amazing happened: nothing fell apart.

Instead, I felt a small spark of relief. And that spark grew.

Why Saying No Matters

Here’s what I learned: saying no isn’t about being selfish. It’s about creating space—for your family, for your health, and for the things that truly align with your values.

When you say no to things that drain you, you’re saying yes to:

• Your mental and emotional well-being: Fewer commitments mean less stress and more energy to focus on what matters most.
• Your family’s needs: Having the bandwidth to be patient, present, and engaged with your child is invaluable.
• Your authenticity: When you’re not stretched too thin, you can show up as your best, most authentic self.

A Mini Coaching Moment: The Art of Saying No

If you’re struggling with saying no, here’s a simple framework to help:

1. Pause: Before committing to anything, take a moment to evaluate. Does this align with your priorities?
2. Practice the Script: Saying no gets easier with practice. Try something like, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m unable to commit right now.”
3. Reframe Guilt: Remind yourself that saying no to one thing means saying yes to something more important—like your well-being or your child’s needs.

Remember, your time and energy are finite resources. Where you choose to spend them matters.

The Freedom of a Well-Placed No

Saying no has freed up so much mental and emotional space in my life. I’m more patient with my children, more intentional with my time, and more connected to my family’s needs.

I know it can feel hard at first—especially if you’re used to being the “yes” person. But I promise, it gets easier. And with every no, you’re creating more room for what truly matters in your life.

So today, I invite you to take one small step. Think of one thing you can say no to this week—something that feels like an obligation, not a joy. And then, let it go.

You might just be surprised at the freedom you feel.

Janel Stewart

Let’s Begin

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