Bedtime should be the wind-down of the day. But for many parents, it’s when everything falls apart. The energy shifts, kids get wired instead of tired, and what should be a peaceful transition turns into a battle.

I’ve noticed something interesting in my own home. Some nights, bedtime flows smoothly. My kids are calm, we do our usual routine, and everyone settles into sleep without much fuss. But other nights? It’s like someone flipped a switch. The energy in the house shifts, the kids get overstimulated, and suddenly, bedtime is chaos.

At first, I thought it was just random. Some nights were good, some weren’t. That’s just parenting, right? But when I started paying attention, I realized something:

The difference was the energy in the room—and who was bringing it.

Kids Absorb the Energy Around Them

Children, especially sensitive or neurodivergent kids, are highly attuned to the emotions and energy of the people around them. If the atmosphere is calm, they have the ability to dial down and match that calm state or feel an underlying sense of security. If there’s tension, excitement, or stress? They absorb that too.

And bedtime is one of the biggest places where this plays out.

In my house, I noticed that when bedtime routines stayed low-key and predictable, the transition to sleep was easier. But when there was a sudden surge of energy—whether from an overexcited family member, last-minute roughhousing, or even my own stress from the day—my kids had a much harder time settling down.

They weren’t resisting sleep just because. They were reacting to the energy shift.

Where Does This Show Up in Your Home?

Once I saw this pattern in my own family, I started wondering—where else does this happen?

• Does bedtime feel more chaotic when someone else is adding extra stimulation?
• Do your kids seem more restless when you’ve had an overwhelming day?
• Does your child pick up on your stress, even when you try to hide it?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized: our energy is the undercurrent of our home. And kids, especially those with heightened sensory awareness, feel it all.

The Small Shift That Made a Big Difference

So, I made one small change: I became intentional about how we transitioned to bedtime.

If I noticed things escalating, I worked on shifting the energy before my kids had to deal with it. Sometimes, that meant slowing my own movements and speaking softer. Other times, it meant creating a buffer—dimming the lights, playing calming music, or steering the evening away from high-energy play.

It wasn’t about controlling every aspect of bedtime. It was about recognizing the power of my own energy and using it as a tool to help my kids feel secure.

And it worked. The nights I stayed mindful of our transitions? Bedtime was easier. My kids settled into sleep without the same level of restlessness or pushback.

Mini-Coaching Moment: What Small Shift Could Help in Your Home?

If bedtime (or any other transition) feels like a battle, take a step back and observe.

• What’s happening before the meltdown or resistance starts?
• How does your energy (or someone else’s) shift the mood?
• What small change could help ease the transition?

No bedtime—or parenting moment—is perfect. But when we recognize our own influence, we can make small shifts that lead to big improvements in our children’s emotional regulation, comfort, and sense of security.

And the best part? Once you start noticing these patterns, you’ll see opportunities to shift them for the better—not just at bedtime, but throughout the day.