Why Carving Out Time for Yourself is the Selfless Secret to Stronger Parenting
How will taking time for myself help my child?
The Struggle with Time. Time gets away from all of us. When you’re a parent, especially to an autistic child, it can feel like there’s no time left for you. The little buffer you once had to step away and recharge? It’s been swallowed up by appointments, therapies, meal prep, and the countless ways you pour yourself into your child.
But let me ask you this: is it working?
How are you showing up—for yourself, for your child, for your family?
Here’s the truth: carving out time for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s selfless. Because when you take time to reconnect with yourself, you’re not just recharging your own batteries—you’re creating a better version of yourself for the people who need you most.
Time as a Tool
Time isn’t your enemy, even if it feels that way. Time is a tool. And when you use it correctly, it pays off in dividends. Taking time for yourself gives you the mental and emotional brain break you need to stay on top of your daily demands.
It helps you:
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1. Respond with Patience Instead of Reacting with Overwhelm
Rather than mirroring your child’s distress with your own frustration, you become more in tune with their cues. Instead of snapping in exhaustion, you’re able to pause, breathe, and meet their struggle with the patience, calm, and care you truly want to give them.
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2. Be Fully Present for the Moments That Matter Most
Instead of feeling mentally checked out—distracted by the exhaustion and stress weighing you down—you are in the emotional state to fully experience the small yet powerful moments with your child. The quiet giggles, the unexpected eye contact, the simple brush of their hand in yours. Even the profoundly beautiful moment when your nonverbal child says “Mom” or “Dad” for the very first time.
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3. Feel More Like Yourself Again
You’re more than just a parent, and when you take time to reconnect with yourself, you start remembering who you are outside of caregiving. The exhaustion begins to lift, making space for you to rediscover the things that bring you joy, creativity, and fulfillment.
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4. Show Your Child What Self-Care Looks Like
Your child watches you more than you realize. When they see you prioritizing your well-being—whether that’s through movement, quiet moments, or setting boundaries—they learn that taking care of themselves is important too. You’re not just recharging yourself, you’re setting the foundation for them to value their own emotional and physical health.
How to Make Time for Yourself, Yes it is Possible
Speaking personally, and maybe you can relate, a lot of my time was spent in ‘distress’. Meaning, I was literally clocking minutes and hours in some quasi state of paralyzation where I wasn’t productive, yet I wasn’t still. I was bogged down with tasks and thoughts which kept my body and mind in motion, but with no result whatsoever. Cue thoughts of failure and guilt right here! Believe it or not, with some self-compassion, observation, and a plan, it is possible to recapture hours. Hours you can use the way you want to use them.
Step 1: Map Out Your Daily Reality
Before making changes, you need a clear picture of where your time actually goes.
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Action
Keep a time log for two days.
- Write down everything you do in a typical day—from wake-up to bedtime. Get granular.
- Highlight nonnegotiables (e.g., work hours, therapy appointments, school runs).
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Review
Look for pockets of time—even small ones.
- Do certain tasks take much longer than necessary because you’re distracted or mentally exhausted?
- Is there a moment in your day where you’re alone or your child is fully engaged in an activity?
- Can a routine obligation—like your daily drive, dishwashing, or waiting at appointments—be transformed into a self-care experience? (Think: listening to music you love or a podcast, doing breathwork, or simply being present.)
Why it Works
This gives you clarity and prevents the feeling that there’s no time for me.
Step 2: Choose Your “You Time” Actions
Now that you’ve identified small windows of time, it’s time to decide how to use them in a way that genuinely brings relief, restoration, or even joy.
Action
Make a list of small, realistic activities that feel right for you—something nourishing, not another obligation.
- Create a 2-minute skincare ritual that doesn’t just clean your face but refreshes your soul. Massage your moisturizer in slowly, breathe deeply, and enjoy that moment of care.
- Step outside for a sensory reset. Even if you don’t have time for a walk, stand on your porch or by an open window. Close your eyes and identify three different sounds, smells, or sensations.
- Call or voice message a friend for five minutes—not to vent, but to feel connected and heard. Even a quick exchange can shift your mood.
- Try out a new guided meditation or experiment with journaling. If traditional journaling feels like work, try voice memos, bullet journaling, or even jotting down just one thought or intention for the day.
- Turn a mundane task into a pleasure ritual. Make your morning coffee a ceremony, not a rush. Play music while you cook. Use a few deep breaths while washing your hands to pause before diving into the next demand.
Why It Works
These aren’t major life shifts—they’re tiny, intentional adjustments that bring peace, clarity, and energy into the life you’re already living.
Step 3: Make It More Beneficial
Time alone isn’t automatically restorative—how you use it determines its impact. Dwelling on a negative experience, agonizing over your to-do list, or mindlessly scrolling through social media won’t fill your cup.
This is YOUR time. You made space for it—so let’s make sure it actually gives something back to you.
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action
Set an Intention Before You Begin
Instead of passively filling the time, take a second to ask yourself:
- What do I need right now? (Not “what should I do?” but what do I actually need?)
- How do I want to feel after this? More grounded? Energized? Lighter?
- What’s the simplest way to achieve that?
Then, match the action to the intention.
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Examples of Intentional Time Use
If you’re overwhelmed and overstimulated…
- Intention: Find calm and regulate your nervous system.
- How: Step outside, close your eyes, and take five slow, deep breaths. Put your hand on your chest, feel the air shift. Ground yourself.
If you’re exhausted and running on fumes…
- Intention: Restore energy without relying on caffeine or sugar.
- How: Lay down for 5 minutes with your eyes closed. Not a nap, just a pause. Try legs-up-the-wall pose or drink a glass of water with slow, mindful sips.
If you’re feeling disconnected from yourself…
- Intention: Reconnect with your own thoughts, dreams, or interests.
- How: Journal for a few minutes. Doodle. Play music you love. Look through an old photo album that reminds you who you are beyond being a parent.
If your patience is thin and you’re feeling short-fused…
- Intention: Create space between reaction and response.
- How: Before re-engaging, take 30 seconds to shake out the tension. Stretch, roll your shoulders, or even hum a song—something to break the frustration cycle.
Why It Works
You’re not just spending time—you’re using it in a way that makes an actual difference in how you feel, respond, and show up for yourself and your child.
Step 4: Track the Impact
How do you know if this is working?
action
Define your markers of success.
- Are you more patient with your child?
- Do you feel physically better (e.g., improved sleep, less tension)?
- Are you responding to stress differently?
Keep a quick reflection journal, even if it’s just a note in your phone.
Why It Works
Tracking progress keeps you motivated and reminds you why this matters.
The Benefits: Real-Life Impacts of Taking Time for Yourself
- You Show Up as a Better Version of Yourself
Real Life: It’s the third morning in a row that your child refuses to wear socks, and normally, you’d be on the verge of snapping. But today? You pause. You take a deep breath instead of immediately reacting. You acknowledge their frustration, offer a different option, and move forward without an argument spiraling out of control—because you actually have the mental space to do so.
Why? Because you gave yourself the space to recharge, and that one small act made all the difference.
- You Build Emotional Resilience
Real Life:
Your child is mid-meltdown—screaming, thrashing, inconsolable. It’s intense, and the weight of it could easily pull you into overwhelm. But because you’ve made time to care for yourself, you have the capacity to hold space for them without completely unraveling. You remind yourself: They aren’t giving me a hard time; they’re having a hard time. Instead of frustration taking over, you offer calm, steady support. - Your Child Feels the Difference
Real Life:
Your child may not have the words to tell you, but they feel it. They notice when your tone is softer, when your patience stretches further, when your presence is fully with them instead of preoccupied with everything else on your mind.And something shifts. They lean into you more. They start to co-regulate. Their world feels safer, because you feel safer to them.
Why All of This Matters
Taking time for yourself isn’t just about you. It’s about creating the energy, stability, and presence that allows your child to feel secure, understood, and loved.
Mini-Coaching Moment: Find Your Time
Take a moment to reflect:
- Where do you see yourself in this post? What images or memories came up for you?
- Think about the times you’ve felt stretched too thin, running on fumes, reacting instead of responding.
- Now, think about who you want to be. The parent who has the patience to breathe through tough moments. The person who doesn’t feel lost in exhaustion, but present and engaged.
You don’t need to overhaul your life to get there. Start small.
- Identify one small window of time in your day that you can reclaim.
- Choose one simple activity that brings you a sense of peace, energy, or joy.
- Commit to just five minutes a day. The benefits will build from there.
Time is already passing—how will you use it?
It’s Not Selfish, It’s Selfless
Taking time for yourself isn’t about escaping your responsibilities—it’s about strengthening your ability to meet them. When you carve out time to care for your own well-being, you’re not just improving your life; you’re showing up for your child in ways that truly matter.
So, the next time you feel guilty about taking time for yourself, remember this: the stronger you are, the better you can be for your family. And that’s the most selfless thing you can do.
Janel Stewart
As a mom to twin superheroes with autism, certified health coach, and recovering perfectionist, I know the overwhelm you’re feeling and I’m here to help.
Together, let’s reclaim your health, balance, and joy in parenting.
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